these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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