This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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