u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
