Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
