You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
