Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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