there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
