her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
