The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
