I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
just found out that she named her cat after me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
