I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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