I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
