And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
