just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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