$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
