I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
