Someone shit on the floor
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Congratulations! We have a period
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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