My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
