Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
