He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize