if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My vagina is officially offended.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
