why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
