I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
