I smell stomach acid.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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