you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize