how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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