You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
