Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
