I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
