why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
