dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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