I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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