guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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