My nipple is on Facebook.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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