How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
