I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
