i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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