I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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