she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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