Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
