please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
