I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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