i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
