guys are only as good as the porn they watch
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
