guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
