I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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