Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
