My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have so many feelings about this burrito
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
