That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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