Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
