i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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