I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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