I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
