If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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