Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
