so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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