That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
