I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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