And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
