Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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