Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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