so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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