I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just gargled with NyQuil
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
