My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
