i just snorted my name. best moment ever
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
