We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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