It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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