I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
