i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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