please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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