so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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