I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
