I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
